I saw these four ducks in a pond near New York, Texas. I stopped to watch them as they paddled away. They are called Buffleheads. The two on the left are males. The two on the right are females.
After I took the picture and was sitting in my truck and seeing what shots I got I paused on this image and immediately, I started to tell a narrative story about what was going on. I know that I am placing human emotions on animals - it's called anthropomorphism and some people look down on it, but I am not one of those people. I think my dogs are thinking and feeling. I watch birds watching me and think they have attitudes. I’m a sucker for pitiful eyes.
What is the story with these ducks? The two guys on the left are looking at each other. As if to say, “Why are the girls looking away from us?” “What did we do?” Their quizzical and confused looks remind me of so much male behavior around the mystery of being in relationships. They are looking to each other to explain what neither one understands. Lots of young adolescent behavior develops in this ignorance echo chamber. Lots of the objectification of others, the skin deep evaluation of others and the ego driven domination begins in the hushed conversations of those who only listen to others just like them. I “learned” so many things from guys growing up that turned out not to be true, but I was told were true. Some of those ideas had to be unlearned painfully. That is why I love the name of these ducks - Bufflehead. I was a Bufflehead filled with all sorts of bad ideas.
The females on the right are both looking away from the males and are looking to the shore. I told myself the story that they were shunning the boys in hopes of finding a better bird. That seems like one of the great evils of our day -believing that there is someone else, someone better that can make you feel whole. Part of the relational fragility in our society is this belief that someone else can complete me (thanks, Jerry Maguire) and if I am unhappy, it is because I am not with the right person. I infected the story with insecurity, loneliness and shattered self-esteem.
Valentine's Day is one of those days that seems to inject more pain and anxiety in the world that the love it intends. Marketers have turned it into a surreal experience. Huge boxes of candy are stacked in the store, but if you give someone the candy, they feel the weight of the expectation to eat the candy, but the world says that eating the candy makes you gain weight which attracts the rejection of the world. It’s a no win situation. The marketers put flowers out for people to give, the flowers are put in vases and then almost immediately begin to fade. Its hard to capture the right moment when the flowers express real love and we can block out the death that is to come. There are commercials and cards reminding many people that they are not in relationships and are alone. The pain is piled high. Valentine's Day is hard to get right.
What is the love story you tell in life? Have you been taught things by our world that you need to unlearn? The conditional, arbitrary rules of what it means to be lovable, to be acceptable to be worthy of love? Have you been taught to see people through the shallow lense of the eyes of this world?
Jesus gives us a way out. The Bible teaches that we love because God first loved us. It is this “first love” that we all so desperately need. We don’t find it by looking at each other. We don’t find it searching for the next person to “fill us up.” No, the only way to find real love in the world is to find complete contentment in the love of Christ, to know his first love. When we know, without a shadow of a doubt that we are loved without condition, without regard to appearance, attitude, lineage, economics, or even obedience (While we were still sinners Christ died for us). When we know that we are the beloved child of God, then we are so much better equipped to deal with the conditional love of the world.
This Valentines day, don’t listen to the marketers, listen to the maker. Know that you are loved and that the heart that was given to you was the savior of the world. Be washed by that love. Then go and love the world from a filled and complete heart. Love the people in your life. Go and offer unconditional love. It will be the best Valentine's Day gift.