We rushed back from my Dad’s funeral to get to the Church Outdoor Sing and Goodbye party for Jorge and Michelle so I still had my suit on when we arrived. It felt perfectly out of sync like I was feeling from the day. It was a great day, it was a bad day. It was great, because of my confidence in my father’s future. It was sad because it was a real turning of a chapter in my life. My Dad was the last of our parents to die. We all thought he would go first. He smoked for years. Somehow he outlived them all.
That morning, when I was getting dressed, I picked my tie first. I always start with the tie. I looked through a bunch but settled on a tie I bought myself at the last presidential library I visited when I had completed the whole set. It meant that I would wear my blue suit. I got into the pants and found that my Covid fasting has been working, so I switched to a smaller pant size. It meant I had to switch belts, but actually found one my dad had given me. Then, it was time for dress shoes. I could not find them.
I got down on my hands and knees and dug through the bottom of my closet. I finally found them in the back corner. Apparently, they had crawled back under my old suits feeling abandoned and were sulking in the corner. They have not seen the light of day for three months. The toes were scuffed so I went to get my shoeshine kit. I remember when we were little, on Saturday night, the boys would shine their shoes around the table. My Dad taught us like the good soldier he was.
When we arrived back to Athens that evening, a group of people came to church to sing and celebrate. It was gentle and kind and people were still giving each other distance, while still trying to gather in the shadows of cars. Then, it was over and time to go home. I was walking from the courtyard to the slide parking lot and I saw the vivid fuchsia flower. I think it is a petunia that escaped from the planter boxes. The crack that it is growing in is so tiny. I stopped and started at it. Under normal usage, it would have never survived, but since no feet have been pounding on this concrete it has survived.
I understand that all over the world this pause has impacted the natural system. Air has gotten cleaner, animals have returned to reclaim territory. While I have missed seeing my friends, seeing our church family, I know as things open up in the next few weeks that I am going to miss some of the solitude, some of the retreat of the last three months. Since my Dad’s diagnosis, I have been able to see him each week, been able to enjoy his company. It was a gentle and beautiful time. That bold little flower helped the evening seem a little brighter.